JAIL
Me lord, I am Innocent -
Vidhur Bhandarkar

B – Town’s recently crowned reality king is accused of tortutainment in the name of entertainment with his latest release.

A Bollywood obsessed judge questions the ‘thought – provoking’ maker & asks questions that are currently popping on a common bollywood fanatic mind regarding his latest release ‘Jail’.
Excerpts from the conversation between the maker & the judge which took place immediately after the special screening of the film in an idli wada jail.

Judge (appearing exhausted): Vidhur Bhandarkar, you are charged with the offence of mental torture & boredom in the name of entertainment. You have been charge of making the ‘real’ audience suffer by your said reels of ‘reality’. How real is that?

Vidhur Bhandarkar(shrugging in his ‘fashion’ outfit) says: Me lord, I am innocent.

Judge: Vidhur you as a sensible film maker is charge of having no story just an idea in your film?

Vidhur Bhandarkar (gets into the Shatrugan Sinha mode): that’s bullshit.

Judge: I order you to behave; you are talking to a judge who had just seen your film you cannot express his sentiments in your voice.

Vidhur Bhandarkar: Sorry Me Lord, I am Innocent.

Judge: Proceed

Vidhur Bhandarkar: I have done mehnat I mean put effort. My writing department & the corporate house which has funded the flick have constantly in touch with latest headlines for the last 6 months to pen a promising ‘real’ script. Didn,t you notice the media tie ups we had.

Judge: Hmmmmmmm. You have been charged of miscasting. The protagonist in the film Mr. Milo Dukesh has underperformed & is said to be a wrong choice for the role.

Vidhur Bhandarkar: Me Lord, it has been promoted as Vidhur Bhandarkar’s next. So it hardly matters whether the chosen actor performs or underperforms. If he would have performed well or he would have been a fine actor then he would have taken all the credit. Then what about my realism yaar!

              
Judge: I am the audience & the judge, I am not your yaar.

Vidhur Bhandarkar: Pardon me, me lord, I am innocent.

Judge: you have been charged of creating zero drama, zero moments of entertainment in your film. You are also been charged of not providing any novelty in your story or story telling.

Vidhur Bhandarkar: I wanted to show the life of people in jail, so I concentrated more on that. Me lord, I believe you miss the mention of two jails in the acknowledgement.

Judge: point taken. Then why it is called a feature not a documentary. Dramas, emotion, are required in a feature film. You don,t know that.

Vidhur Bhandarkar: Pardon me, me lord, I am innocent.

Judge: Vidhur Bhandarkar you have nothing much to say. It is believed that you need a refresher. The court orders you to immediately take a crash course of film making at a an available institute on EMI. This will only make you a better film maker. Agreed.

Vidhur Bhandarkar: whatever you say me lord, you are the judge the aam junta, as you know Me Lord, I am innocent.

The judge bangs the hammer on his head announcing the end of the proceedings.

Vidhur on the next day fills up the application form at a leading film institute.

          - V.V.